Wrote this one some time back:
Yesterday (Oct 12) was ‘National Coming out day’, the day when people are encouraged to ‘come out’ and proclaim their orientation. It is strange that there is a day assigned to ‘come-out’, but no days are assigned to encourage people to accept everybody the way they are. The reason why non-heterosexual people are secretive about their orientation is because the ‘society’ isn’t ready to accept them the way they are. Quite normally, they are concerned about being ridiculed and even hated.
Nobody points out to a heterosexual person and says: ‘omg, he’s seeing a girl!’. Then why is it an issue when a guy is seeing another guy? Even extremely literate people make the most idiotic comments about the gay community, and that is what makes them just literate and not educated! People will ‘come out’ only if they know that they will not become ridiculed. Until the so-called society matures enough to accept everybody’s opinion and choices, even when it differs from what is ‘normal’, celebrating a Coming out day is meaningless.
Those heterosexuals who do speak out in support of the gay community are immediately branded as gay and ridiculed by the ‘normal’ people. What I find surprising is that the ‘society’ gets extremely vicious when branding somebody as gay. In my experience, most of the homosexual people I have met are extremely nice people. I can’t say the same about most of the heterosexual people I have met. So what makes them think that they are going to hurt somebody’s emotions by calling them gay? Being openly gay, or being heterosexual and accepting gay people the way they are, are definitely more genuine and noble than being gay, but living a fake heterosexual life. Even in a so-called developed country like the US, I have met several gay people who have gotten married as a heterosexual and now lead a dual life. In a country like India where being gay is so stigmatized, I am willing to bet that a lot of gay men are living the life of heterosexuals because they are worried about being ridiculed.
Talking about being gay, I think that the most amusing thing about the ‘society’, is that whenever a guy/girl crosses the age of ~27-28 and is not married and not dating anybody, they are immediately branded as gay. I have been called gay for years now. My labmate tried to find out from me whether I was dating anybody or had any plans of getting married. Being ~30 and not associated with anybody was totally incomprehensible to her. After a few days I found that she would often lecture me about how it is okay to be a lesbian. Finally one day I had to confront her and say “L—-, I know it is ok to be a lesbian, but I am not one”. To that she had the most ridiculous grin on her face! However that didn’t stop her from gossiping with others about my orientation.
When I first came here, I used to be more social with the other Indians. But gradually I figured that they are more curious about my sex life than about anything else. When they simply couldn’t find any evidence to link me with any guy, they started the rumor that I am a lesbian! Some of them tried to befriend me and get information about my life, only to distort it and spread gossips about me and talk behind me! When one of my ‘so-called’ friends got divorced from her husband, some people even went to the extent of discussing that she left her husband because we were dating! How sick and disgusting can the Indian community be! The only explanation I could think of was that these people are extreme perverts but they don’t have the guts to do it freely, and so they fantasize about other people’s sex life! Or that they aren’t getting enough in their own bedrooms, and so they want to peek into other people’s bedrooms. Of course being a woman who is independent and not taking favors from men by flirting with them, and more importantly, who doesn’t appear to be the helpless kind, is something the Indian society simply cannot accept. So the only way they could deal with that is to spread rude gossip about me. What does this attitude project about them?
Often times I have spoken out in favor of the gay community. That was like the only last piece of evidence they needed! When will the people stop interfering with other people’s bedroom life? My orientation and sex life is nobody’s business! A lot of women date/get married to a guy just for money or social status or for the opportunity to live overseas. So they are essentially selling off their body for something that is certainly not love. I can proudly say that whatever I achieved in life is with my own effort. I didn’t sell off my body for a ticket to the US, or for being able to travel in a Mercedes (somebody I know actually said: “I can’t buy a Mercedes on my own, so I’ll marry someone who can buy one”!). It is better to be single than being married to the wrong guy, and more importantly marrying for all the wrong reasons. Is the ‘society’ simply jealous of my freedom and guts? I wonder!
