When my friends hear about my ordeal over the last year they try to reassure me that whatever happened, it was best for me and I was saved from a life in hell and so on. Every time I have to explain that they are getting this totally wrong. I have absolutely no regrets that the relation didn’t work out. In fact I am ecstatic that I finally got free from that sociopath and his sociopathic family! What I regret is to have ever been in a relation with him, to have ever trusted that cheat, to have ever believed all those lies, to have ever believed all those fake dialogues from that con artist!
But at the same time, this entire ordeal over the last three years was a lesson of a life time for me. I learned never to overlook any flaws in men. I learned that if a guy abuses the first time, I should have turned him down immediately because he WILL do it again because that is his nature, because that is how he has been brought up, because he does not have any respect for me, and that is why he did it. I learned that I should have left him the first time I realized that he is trying to financially exploit me my using my money to travel around and buy expensive things for himself. He was being mean and cheap. I should not have been considerate about his graduate student status. I should have been like all the ‘normal’ girls, and made him bear all the expenses. Because thats the kind of girls men are loyal to! If men invest on a girl, then they are faithful to that girl. I learned that if the guy’s family is being rude to me and he didn’t think it his wrong, then that shows how uncultured their whole breed is! And of course I learned that CASTE DOES MATTER! And he did also try to hide his caste knowing that we might have an issue about his caste. Three years ago I used to say that caste is not an issue, but now I strongly believe that caste does matter because caste reflects upbringing. This guy and his entire family proved how mean and uncultured they were and it is not surprising since they have been living in such uncultured surroundings for generations so their mindset reflects their culture or lack thereof! One generation of studying in engineering or Medical college and then getting a PhD in an US university cannot wipeoff that culture. And of course admission to engineering or medical college was facilitated by the SC-ST reservations!
I also learned how hypocritical the Indian society is. The response from the people showed me that in spite of knowing that this guy and his wife were such cheats, they would rather put on a smile and socialize with this guy and hurl trash at me because they are legally married and I had a relation with this guy before marriage (so my relation is illegal)! The people did not leave any opportunity to hurl obscene trash at me, not even the so called highly qualified ‘decent’ people, even the women. I only wonder how they would react if one day they are cheated by their own spouses. Oh course I if I hear of that happening I will be rejoicing at their fate!
Another eye opening experience for me was that most of the people who I thought were my ‘friends’ were actually not that. They were just there my superficial acquaintances ready to come to attend some birthday party but would disappear at a time when I would need help. Some of them saw that there was ‘drama’ unfolding and so sat in their homes quietly waiting for things to calm down. A few others dropped an email or made a phone call with fake sympathy (which I unfortunately thought genuine at that time!) and then hid in their homes in their spouse’s lovenest again waiting for things to calm down. And then after many months I started getting emails saying ‘hi, whats up, I haven’t heard from you for a while’, or ‘hi. have you decided not to keep in touch, but why, I don’t think I have done anything incorrect’. These people probably expect me to get back in touch with them when I come over my grief and then put on a smile back in my face and join the party as though nothing happened and I should forget the fact that they abandoned me at the time when I needed friends.
Some other people offered fake sympathy, but were actually gossiping behind me with strangers. I found out about that when one of them forwarded an email and I scrolled down and found a discussion going on about me. Another one was discussing about me with her friend on orkut. This same lady started up an orkut thread about the album because she thought that I was really wronged by my ex! And then she goes about gossiping about me on with the same people who were hurling trash on me orkut! I realized that she is one of those breeds who goes about taking to both sides as though she is their ‘best friends’. And honestly I DO judge people by those they socialize with. And she happens to have all those disgusting people who commented on that orkut commented in that orkut community as her close friends. And if her friend circle includes all those disgusting people, then I can never be friends with her, even if she was my senior in college (that is something I fail to understand: How can somebody from such a well reputed, respected college, interact with people like that…UGHHH!!).
Then there were my other ‘acquantances’ (I can no longer call then friends), who were my batchmates and who apparently ‘knew’ me for many years. After my breakup they ‘thought’ that I am too unemotional and so it didn’t affect me at all. They even met up with my ex and told him that. They were so diplomatic in their approach and were so unsupportive when that entire orkut album issue was going on that I finally had to tell them that I didn’t need friends like that. It seemed like they cared for him a lot more, I I HAD to relieve them of their guilty feeling that they were my ‘friends’ and so they couldn’t openly support him.
There was also this other common ‘friend’. She would spend hours chatting with my ex, even when I was in the relation nd when I questioned that I was called jealous. Apparently even her bf had issues with her spending so my with him. It seems both she and my ex were complete emotional sluts and she knew intimate details about my personal life because my ex told her everything that happened (his version of course). But she claimed to be my friend as well. But her loyalty was such that altough she knew that he was cheating on me and he had this other woman, she never uttered a word, not even when I was chatting with her a week before her wedding. When I finally questioned her, she said ‘I didn’t know how to tell you’. Then she said ‘I didn’t know he would actually get married’, ‘I didd’t find you online’…and all kinds of excuses. This is the same woman with whom I spent hours on the phone calling from US because she had a breakup and needed to talk to somebody and so I called her and wasted so many of my phonecards! A couple of weeks back (this is almost a year after this happened, and also when those two evils are having their social wedding), this woman sends me an invitation on linkedin. Did she think that I forgot what a wonderful friend she had been? I admit that she had once helped in in some ways. But what she did in this entire episode completely undid all her help for this and many lives! Did she think I forgot all of that? Did she think I will start helping her again with applications to US universities? Too bad, now she’s gonna have to get help from the new ‘pretty and young’ bride, of course if she has time after her make up and shopping, to look at her applications and help her contact professors, just has her friend is going to now have to ask his wife to write his cv and write his research statement and job applications! 
Then there was the whole group of friends of that sociopath who were acquainted with me and knew what this guy did but stood dumb in support of their friend or joined in hurling trash. The probably think that that this was they real life opportunity to hurl trash at some mistress of a hollywood actor so they made complete use of their opportunity. The same goes for all the friends and relatives of his evil wife and also all his other friends and relatives who didn’t know me but after this episode came to know about his what kind of an evil person he is, but still watched the fun and criticized me. But then, fortunately the world is a pretty small place. I am sure at least some of these people will some day pay for what they did. They may not have directly destroyed my life, but standing in suppport of these people and hurling trash at me makes them equally evil. And some day I am sure I will also my path will cross with some of them and then of course I will get to have the last laugh! And till then they will have the honor of being the best friends of two ultimate cheats and they will have the the satisfaction of having supported and made possible an ultimate evil plan…thats some lifetime achievement to be proud of! As for those two families, I am sure they don’t have a conscience, so they will never realize they did anything wrong. So until something really bad happens to them, they wont pay for this.
So this entire episode did teach me a lot of things. I no longer waste my time and energy helping people who do not deserve it. I no longer waste my money on that evil guy. Now I only spend money and time on myself. Last three years I never had money to buy food/clothes, I was always thinking why my money is so tight. This year since I am not spending on anything else, I can spend it on things I want and also save some! I no longer waste time listening to crap from people who are not going to be there when I need people. I now know who are my real friends and I only spend time with those people. This had optimized my usage of time and also make me feel good because I know that I can depend on those people.
I also know that although that guy and his family thinks they were the winner since they got to ‘destroy’ my life, he got to sleep with me, exploit my money, and then get away with a younger, ‘prettier’ girl, they are the winner. But I know that in reality they have LOST BIG TIME. That guy would actually have gained if he stayed with me. Not only would he have been able to advance professionally and financially, but he would also have the assurance that I didn’t have any ulterior motive in being with him. But now he is with a woman who married him because she wants to come to US. In a way it is similar to what he did with me. He was with me because he wanted to make money, he wanted ‘personal development’ (learn how to go for interviews, learn driving, learn how to live in the western society etc), so it was for a purpose. So now another woman is doing it with him. I guess, he deserves it! Also, I I have achieved much more in my career than that woman and much more than any woman in his family will achieve in many more years and generations to come. But then may be that family doesn’t deserve that! Maybe that is why he and the women in his family feltv threatened by me and so he brought home a ‘show-piece’, like the one his brother has. As for looks, I may not have the good looks of that woman, but I can at least confortably walk around with whatever I have. But all the pictures I saw of that woman are so painted up with makeup that it seems she is so embarrassed of her real face. Besides, looks only last for a few years and this guy himself is pretty ugly, and so are his Mom and sis, so I guess they are not qualified to judge! In any case, I don’t believe that the pretty face doesn’t come with any baggage of attitude. In general all pretty faces are tightly linked with attitude issues.
All in all, I think I was really really lucky to be finally free from this evil pervert guy, and his equally evil and mean family. This guy and his family had made my life a complete hell by torturing me for the 2 years and 8 months I was with him. We would have short periods of ‘nice times’ and then he would lose his temper and be really mean and abusive, and his family would encite a lot of his abusive behaviour. Then he would get all apologetic, because he needed somebody for his physical pleasure till his wife (to-be) joined him in US, and somebody to exploit financially, for the next couple of years. I used to wonder why people who are in abusive relation stay like that. Now I know. I was a complete idiot to have carried on for so long and that is why I completely destroyed my self esteem and self respect. But at least I am free from that abuse now, and I don’t have to spend any more days dealing with the insult and abuse. And to be honest if that guy could say all the mean things he said to me after all that I did for him and all that I put up with, it is his loss. He and his family totally deserves the kind of girl he got married to.
