Coming Out Day?

Wrote this one some time back:

Yesterday (Oct 12) was ‘National Coming out day’, the day when people are encouraged to ‘come out’ and proclaim their orientation.  It is strange that there is a day assigned to ‘come-out’, but no days are assigned to encourage people to accept everybody the way they are.  The reason why non-heterosexual people are secretive about their orientation is because the ‘society’ isn’t ready to accept them the way they are.  Quite normally, they are concerned about being ridiculed and even hated.

Nobody points out to a heterosexual person and says: ‘omg, he’s seeing a girl!’.  Then why is it an issue when a guy is seeing another guy? Even extremely literate people make the most idiotic comments about the gay community, and that is what makes them just literate and not educated!  People will ‘come out’ only if they know that they will not become ridiculed.  Until the so-called society matures enough to accept everybody’s opinion and choices, even when it differs from what is ‘normal’, celebrating a Coming out day is meaningless.

Those heterosexuals who do speak out in support of the gay community are immediately branded as gay and ridiculed by the ‘normal’ people.  What I find surprising is that the ‘society’ gets extremely vicious when branding somebody as gay.  In my experience, most of the homosexual people I have met are extremely nice people.  I can’t say the same about most of the heterosexual people I have met.  So what makes them think that they are going to hurt somebody’s emotions by calling them gay?  Being openly gay, or being heterosexual and accepting gay people the way they are, are definitely more genuine and noble than being gay, but living a fake heterosexual life.  Even in a so-called developed country like the US, I have met several gay people who have gotten married as a heterosexual and now lead a dual life.  In a country like India where being gay is so stigmatized, I am willing to bet that a lot of gay men are living the life of heterosexuals because they are worried about being ridiculed.

Talking about being gay, I think that the most amusing thing about the ‘society’, is that whenever a guy/girl crosses the age of ~27-28 and is not married and not dating anybody, they are immediately branded as gay.  I have been called gay for years now.  My labmate tried to find out from me whether I was dating anybody or had any plans of getting married. Being ~30 and not associated with anybody was totally incomprehensible to her.  After a few days I found that she would often lecture me about how it is okay to be a lesbian.  Finally one day I had to confront her and say “L—-, I know it is ok to be a lesbian, but I am not one”.  To that she had the most ridiculous grin on her face!  However that didn’t stop her from gossiping with others about my orientation.

When I first came here, I used to be more social with the other Indians.  But gradually I figured that they are more curious about my sex life than about anything else.  When they simply couldn’t find any evidence to link me with any guy, they started the rumor that I am a lesbian!  Some of them tried to befriend me and get information about my life, only to distort it and spread gossips about me and talk behind me!   When one of my ‘so-called’ friends got divorced from her husband, some people even went to the extent of discussing that she left her husband because we were dating!  How sick and disgusting can the Indian community be!  The only explanation I could think of was that these people are extreme perverts but they don’t have the guts to do it freely, and so they fantasize about other people’s sex life!  Or that they aren’t getting enough in their own bedrooms, and so they want to peek into other people’s bedrooms.  Of course being a woman who is independent and not taking favors from men by flirting with them, and more importantly, who doesn’t appear to be the helpless kind, is something the Indian society simply cannot accept.  So the only way they could deal with that is to spread rude gossip about me.  What does this attitude project about them?

Often times I have spoken out in favor of the gay community.  That was like the only last piece of evidence they needed!   When will the people stop interfering with other people’s bedroom life?  My orientation and sex life is nobody’s business!  A lot of women date/get married to a guy just for money or social status or for the opportunity to live overseas. So they are essentially selling off their body for  something that is certainly not love.  I can proudly say that whatever I achieved in life is with my own effort.  I didn’t sell off my body for a ticket to the US, or for being able to travel in a Mercedes (somebody I know actually said: “I can’t buy a Mercedes on my own, so I’ll marry someone who can buy one”!).    It is better to be single than being married to the wrong guy, and more importantly marrying for all the wrong reasons.   Is the ‘society’ simply jealous of my freedom and guts?  I wonder!

who am i

So I am back to blogging.  But who am I?  Most people think I am strange and wierd.  People who have known me well have said I am a bitch.  Those who have known me all my life, from the time I came into this world, firmly believe I am a perfect example of failure and will never achieve anything in life.

But it makes no difference to me.  I have stopped living according to other people. I am now almost half way through my life and I have spent most of that time following ‘rules’ outlined for me.  But then I realized that I needed to live MY life, MY way, without worrying about what others will say or do if I don’t follow those ‘rules’.  I need to stop being scared to voice my opinions, to show people their limits, and most importantly, I need to be ‘independent’ in the true sense of the word.

I am known to be extremely rude and arrogant.  Well, you know, any woman who is not dependent on a guy, who can live life on her own, and also has an opinion of her own….is a bitch. Well thats me.  I don’t depend on anybody.  I may not be able to earn a whole lot, but I adjust my life according to my income.  I chose not to sell myself (as in sleep with, legally or not) with anybody just for the sake of rising up in the social or professional ladder.  I try to do most of my work on my own.  I don’t go about playing the weak helpless woman, so that others will step forward to help me.  I am honest about my opinion.  I simply cannot be a hypocrit.  I chose not to have any ‘fair weather friends’.  I am glad life has given me the opportunity to find out which of my so-called friends would stand by me when I need them.  I make no attempts at pretending to like people.  Of course that leaves me with very few ‘friends’.  But my experiences have taught me that it is better to have just one friend who I can depend on to be with me in tough times, that have hundreds of ‘friends’ who will back out when there is ‘drama’ in life.

So that is me.  I am honest, blunt, and a bitch!

 

any regrets?

When my friends hear about my ordeal over the last year they try to reassure me that whatever happened, it was best for me and I was saved from a life in hell and so on.  Every time I have to explain that they are getting this totally wrong.  I have absolutely no regrets that the relation didn’t work out.  In fact I am ecstatic that I finally got free from that sociopath and his sociopathic family!  What I regret is to have ever been in a relation with him, to have ever trusted that cheat, to have ever believed all those lies, to have ever believed all those fake dialogues from that con artist!

But at the same time, this entire ordeal over the last three years was a lesson of a life time for me.  I learned never to overlook any flaws in men.  I learned that if a guy abuses the first time, I should have turned him down immediately because he WILL do it again because that is his nature, because that is how he has been brought up, because he does not have any respect for me, and that is why he did it.  I learned that I should have left him the first time I realized that he is trying to financially exploit me my using my money to travel around and buy expensive things for himself.  He was being mean and cheap.  I should not have been considerate about his graduate student status.  I should have been like all the ‘normal’ girls, and made him bear all the expenses.  Because thats the kind of girls men are loyal to!  If men invest on a girl, then they are faithful to that girl.  I learned that if the guy’s family is being rude to me and he didn’t think it his wrong, then that shows how uncultured their whole breed is!  And of course I learned that CASTE DOES MATTER!  And he did also try to hide his caste knowing that we might have an issue about his caste.  Three years ago I  used to say that caste is not an issue, but now I strongly believe that caste does matter because caste reflects upbringing.  This guy and his entire family proved how mean and uncultured they were and it is not surprising since they have been living in such uncultured surroundings for generations so their mindset reflects their culture or lack thereof!  One generation of studying in engineering or Medical college and then getting a PhD in an US university cannot wipeoff that culture.  And of course admission to engineering or medical college was facilitated by the SC-ST reservations!

I also learned how hypocritical the Indian society is.  The response from the people showed me that in spite of knowing that this guy and his wife were such cheats, they would rather put on a smile and socialize with this guy and hurl trash at me because they are legally married and I had a relation with this guy before marriage (so my relation is illegal)!  The people did not leave any opportunity to hurl obscene trash at me, not even the so called highly qualified ‘decent’ people, even the women.  I only wonder how they would react if one day they are cheated by their own spouses. Oh course I  if I hear of that happening I will be  rejoicing at their fate!

Another eye opening experience for me was that most of the people who I thought were my ‘friends’ were actually not that.  They were just there my superficial acquaintances ready to come to attend some birthday party but would disappear at a time when I would need help.  Some of them saw that there was ‘drama’ unfolding and so sat in their homes quietly waiting for things to calm down.  A few others dropped an email or made a phone call with fake sympathy (which I unfortunately thought genuine at that time!) and then hid in their homes in their spouse’s lovenest again waiting for things to calm down.  And then after many months I started getting emails saying ‘hi, whats up, I haven’t heard from you for a while’, or ‘hi. have you decided  not to keep in touch, but why, I don’t think I have done anything incorrect’.    These people probably expect me to get back in touch with them when I come over my grief and then put on a smile back in my face and join the party as though nothing happened and I should forget the fact that they abandoned me at the time when I needed friends.

Some other people offered fake sympathy, but were actually gossiping behind me with strangers.  I found out about that when one of them forwarded an email and I scrolled down and found a discussion going on about me.  Another one was discussing about me with her friend on orkut.  This same lady started up an orkut thread about the album because she thought that I was really wronged by my ex!  And then she goes about gossiping about me on with the same people who were hurling trash on me orkut!  I realized that she is one of those breeds who goes about taking to both sides as though she is their ‘best friends’.  And honestly I DO judge people by those they socialize with.  And she happens to have all those disgusting people who commented on that orkut commented in that orkut community as her close friends.  And if her friend circle includes all those disgusting people, then I can never be friends with her, even if she was my senior in college (that is something I fail to understand: How can somebody from such a well reputed, respected college, interact with people like that…UGHHH!!).

Then there were my other ‘acquantances’ (I can no longer call then friends), who were my batchmates and who apparently ‘knew’ me for many years.  After my breakup they ‘thought’ that I am too unemotional and so it didn’t affect me at all.  They even met up with my ex and told him that.  They were so diplomatic in their approach and were so unsupportive when that entire orkut album issue was going on that I finally had to tell them that I didn’t need friends like that.  It seemed like they cared for him a lot more, I I HAD to relieve them of their guilty feeling that they were my ‘friends’ and so they couldn’t openly support him.

There was also this other common ‘friend’.  She would spend hours chatting with my ex, even when I was in the relation nd when I questioned that I was called jealous.  Apparently even her bf had issues with her spending so my with him.  It seems both she and my ex were complete emotional sluts and she knew intimate details about my personal life because my ex told her everything that happened (his version of course).  But she claimed to be my friend as well.  But her loyalty was such that altough she knew that he was cheating on me and he had this other woman, she never uttered a word, not even when I was chatting with her a week before her wedding.  When I finally questioned her, she said ‘I didn’t know how to tell you’.  Then she said ‘I didn’t know he would actually get married’, ‘I didd’t find you online’…and all kinds of excuses.  This is the same woman with whom I spent hours on the phone calling from US because she had a breakup and needed to talk to somebody and so I called her and wasted so many of my phonecards!  A couple of weeks back (this is almost a year after this happened, and also when those two evils are having their social wedding), this woman sends me an invitation on linkedin.  Did she think that I forgot what a wonderful friend she had been?  I admit that she had once helped in in some ways.  But what she did in this entire episode completely undid all her help for this and many lives!  Did she think I forgot all of that?  Did she think I will start helping her again with applications to US universities? Too bad, now she’s gonna have to get help from the new ‘pretty and young’ bride, of course if she has time after her make up and shopping, to look at her applications and help her contact professors, just has her friend is going to now have to ask his wife to write his cv and write his research statement and job applications!

Then there was the whole group of friends of that sociopath who were acquainted with me and knew what this guy did but stood dumb in support of their friend or joined in hurling trash.  The probably think that that this was they real life opportunity to hurl trash at some mistress of a hollywood actor so they made complete use of their opportunity.  The same goes for all the friends and relatives of his evil wife and also all his other friends and relatives who didn’t know me but after this episode came to know about his what kind of an evil person he is, but still watched the fun and criticized me.  But then, fortunately the world is a pretty small place.  I am sure at least some of these people will some day pay for what they did.  They may not have directly destroyed my life, but standing in suppport of these people and hurling trash at me makes them equally evil.  And some day I am sure I will also my path will cross with some of them and then of course I will get to have the last laugh!  And till then they will have the honor of being the best friends of two ultimate cheats and they will have the the satisfaction of having supported and made possible an ultimate evil plan…thats some lifetime achievement to be proud of!  As  for those two families, I am sure they don’t have a conscience, so they will never realize they did anything wrong.  So until something really bad happens to them, they wont pay for this.

So this entire episode did teach me a lot of things.  I no longer waste my time and energy helping people who do not deserve it.  I no longer waste my money on that evil guy.  Now I only spend money and time on myself.  Last three years I never had money to buy food/clothes, I was always thinking why my money is so tight.  This year since I am not spending on anything else, I can spend it on things I want and also save some!  I no longer waste time listening to crap from people who are not going to be there when I need people.  I now know who are my real friends and I only spend time with those people.  This had optimized my usage of time and also make me feel good because I know that I can depend on those people.

I also know that although that guy and his family thinks they were the winner since they got to ‘destroy’ my life, he got to sleep with me, exploit my money, and then get away with a younger, ‘prettier’ girl, they are the winner.  But I know that in reality they have LOST BIG TIME.  That guy would  actually have gained if he stayed with me.  Not only would he have been able to advance professionally and financially, but he would also have the assurance that I didn’t have any ulterior motive in being with him.  But now he is with a woman who married him because she wants to come to US.  In a way it is similar to what he did with me.  He was with me because he wanted to make money, he wanted ‘personal development’ (learn how to go for interviews, learn driving, learn how to live in the western society etc), so it was for a purpose.  So now another woman is doing it with him.  I guess, he deserves it!  Also, I I have achieved much more in my career than that woman and much more than any woman in his family will achieve in many more years and generations to come.  But then may be that family doesn’t deserve that!   Maybe that is why he and the women in his family feltv threatened by me and so he brought home a ‘show-piece’, like the one his brother has.  As for looks, I may not have the good looks of that woman, but I can at least confortably walk around with whatever I have.  But all the pictures I saw of that woman are so painted up with makeup that it seems she is so embarrassed of her real face.  Besides, looks only last for a few years and this guy himself is pretty ugly, and so are his Mom and sis, so I guess they are not qualified to judge!  In any case, I don’t believe that the pretty face doesn’t come with any baggage of attitude.  In general all pretty faces are tightly linked with attitude issues.

All in all, I think I was really really lucky to be finally free from this evil pervert guy, and his equally evil and mean family.  This guy and his family had made my life a complete hell by torturing me for the 2 years and 8 months I was with him.  We would have short periods of ‘nice times’ and then he would lose his temper and be really mean and abusive, and his family would encite a lot of his abusive behaviour.  Then he would get all apologetic, because he needed somebody for his physical pleasure till his wife (to-be) joined him  in US, and somebody to exploit financially, for the next couple of years.  I used to wonder why people who are in abusive relation stay like that.  Now I know.  I was a complete idiot to have carried on for so long and that is why I completely  destroyed my self esteem and self respect.  But at least I am free from that abuse now, and I don’t have to spend any more days dealing with the insult and abuse.  And to be honest if that guy could say all the mean things he said to me after all that I did for him and all that I put up with, it is his loss.  He and his family totally deserves the kind of girl he got married to.

march specials

So its that ‘special’ time when these two evil people are back to displaying their trophy and celebrating their achievements.  According to what I had heard last year, those two people are supposed to have their social wedding (or is it called re-wedding) this month.  It must be a big achievement for the guy and his equally accomplished wife that they have to celebrate their feat all over again and tell the world about their great achievement.  They were able to cheat another woman for 2 years 8 months.  The guy was able to fake a relationship with her and abuse her physically and mentally, and exploit her financially to hoard money (probably to be able to pay for all the makeup and clothes for his parasitic wife!).   His wife and both the families knew about this cheating and cooperated with him, which makes them equal frauds!  So, of course all of them have to celebrate their achievements over and over again.  And after I came to know his reality, I made this known to a lot of his friends and relatives, and all of them supported them.  So in spite of knowing how they cheated another woman, all these people will be participating and celebrating their accomplishment!  This is the kind of society we live in.  I was criticized for making the information public.  Apparently I should not have told anyone about it because “now they are married and I should not disturb the happy couple” (read my previous blogs).

This guy’s wife is also celebrating her ticket to US.  She thinks she is a winner, having been able to ‘fool’ another woman by totally ruining her.  They were able to come up with an ingenuous plan to hoard money out of her graduate stipend and also use that other woman for his professional and personal development to ‘groom’ himself, so that by the time he is ready to get married to her, he is no longer the unsmart loser.  Unfortunately from the fraud that he and his wife did, they became an even bigger loser.  Also she doesn’t realize that by letting her husband have physical fun with another woman, she is also getting married to a ‘used’ guy!…but then some women will go to any extent to get a ticket to US and be able to use dollars, but won’t work for it themselves.  They would rather paint their lips and sell their ‘holes’!   This wife who sent her then future husband to have ‘fun’ and exploit me should be gang raped, then she would know what it means to play with a woman’s dignity.  The same should be done with the women in the wife’s family and her husband’s family (his sister, mother, and sister-in-law), then they would realize what it actually means to send their ‘lonely’ son studying in US to have ‘fun’ with another woman and destroy her self respect!  And as for this guy, and the men in their family who joined in the fun, (and hence are equally dangerous!) their ‘tool’ should be cut off, so he doesn’t have the ability to have ‘fun’ with anybody else and if he needs to ‘exploit’ anybody, then he would have to find a non-sexual way!

This wife probably thinks it is a big achievement that she gets to come and live in the US and be a  ’scientist’s wife with no effort at all, other than making a devious plan of destroying a woman, and painting her face and selling her hole.  Women like me are fools to slog through years of grad school, work hard to get a , MS and then Phd degree, try to get a job, worry about F1 visa, OPT, and H1 visa.  It is so much easier to find fraud men who are just looking for painted faces with hole!! She probably thinks she has found a ‘pot of gold’, a computer scientist earning big bucks.  This guy is probably pretending to be some big ‘scientist’, but apparently the only job he found is a postdoc!   This guy had been boasting for years that he is an engineer from one of the best institutes in India and now he got a PhD from a somewhat decent (he would say best) university in US and so he would get a six figure job in Microsoft or Google.  It so happens that after more than 2 years of job search he ends up getting a postdoc and that too in a lab where he knew the people, so I assume there isn’t a whoe lot of ‘ability’ involved there!  For those who  don’t know is even worse than a technician, especially for computer science phds.    This guy was using me to write his cv, job applications, write research statements, and so on, but since I wasn’t the one going to the interviews, he was failing every interview!  (details of previous blog posts).   And very soon, his reality became known and I backed out.  So after that obviously he didn’t even get a job and apparently he ended up getting a postdoc after over 2 years of job hunting.

When a computer science Phd from somewhat decent US university and a engineering degree from one of the best Indian universities, who had been boasting of getting a job with a six figure salary in microsoft or google ends up being a postdoc then I think that has something to do with karma, or does it have to do with his newly hired career consultant spending more time selecting the right color of her lipstick?

The society we live in…

Until very recently I had a totally wrong idea about the people around me: the ‘society’ that I live in.  In my previous posts I wrote about my worst mistake in life for which I paid and I am still paying.  However, unlike most women who hide behind closed doors after being cheated by a guy fearing that they will get bad reputation when ‘people’ find out about the incident, I decided to make this incident public.  I thought that I had lost all I had and there was nothing more to lose.  But I should tell everybody about the true nature of this evil guy and his equally evil wife.  I should tell everybody that the apparently decent, happily married couple were actually cheats and they along with their families played with my life and then ruined it for their own pleasure!  However I was so mistaken about ‘everybody’.

This guy was having ‘fun’ with me and at the same time he had already made plans of getting married to  his friend’s sister in law.  Even more surprising is that this woman knew about me, but needed a ‘provider’ to bring her to the US!!  It didn’t matter to her that she was destroying the life of another woman!  What these two people did is not a new story….so many women are cheated by people like them.  But people like them thrive in this world because the women who are cheated never come out with their story.  They suffer quietly behind closed doors for fear of humiliation by the society.  I decided to do otherwise.  I thought that since the world is making so much progress, it is important for people like them to not be allowed to perpetuate!  I hoped that when people know about the reality, they will shun such cheats.  I thought I should let people know what kind of ‘decent’ people they are!  Unfortunately I was so wrong!  Very soon I realized that India’s modernization is limited to wearing Levis jeans and eating at McDonalds and Café Coffee Day!!  The mentality of the people is still the same!

After the wife started posting all the pictures of the dates they had been to on Orkut, I was really upset!  This guy switched women in a matter of 2 months and they were proudly displaying those pictures!!  Amazingly she didn’t even give it a thought that I would be hurt if I see those pictures.  But then, I suppose she was also conveying the message to me (since she had those albums unlocked for my viewing pleasure!) that the guy is now her ticket to USA!  Of course later I found out that this was a preplanned thing, and they had known each other for a while, and I was just a tool for amusement of the guy!!  Soon after I decided to come out with how this guy had played with me life.  So I created an orkut account and posted pictures of me and that guy over the years we had known each other, including the ones taken earlier this year when I was in California, right before he visited India.  I even posted the emails where he abused me in a way no real man would abuse his partner!  In addition, he had proudly claimed that he wouldn’t live with (as in sleep with) somebody whom he wouldn’t marry.  I posted that email too, along with all the pictures of us ‘living together’, and then him getting married to another woman!  It seemed unreal to see this guy so  blissfully happy standing with another woman within two months! …and this was the guy who always had all mushy dialogues about how he would be all alone if I ever left me…how he couldn’t live without  me etc etc….I guess since he never felt anything like that, he had to say things aloud..people who really feel such things can actually make it evident by their actions, and don’t need to actually say it aloud!!!! After uploading this album on orkut I invited all of his and his wife’s friends to see it.  At that time I didn’t know that this was a preplanned match. I had the impression that his parents didn’t like me so they had found a match of their choice whom he married.  So I also thought that his wife should also know what kind of a man her husband is!

To my surprise, the moment his wife came to know about this album, she sent a message to all her friends ‘the girl is mad, ignore her’.  I thought that unless a woman is very desperate (Which she was of course, to come to USA!), she has to be shocked after knowing the reality!  A lot of her friends ignored the profile and remained quiet.  Those who responded came and abused beyond limits.  Of course a lot of these friends were probably like her too…..so they were probably rejoicing the success of another one of their kind!!  One of her female friends was so concerned why I am disturbing her life!  I guess she forgot that woman was the one who ruined my life!   Another guy said ‘you are sick!’  I was also surprised that the wife’s sister and brother in law were unmoved by the information.  I later found out that they were the ones who made this match.  The brother- in-law was my ex’s batchmate I guess they wanted to fulfil his sister-in-law’s ‘American dream’…..which she was incapable of fulfilling on her own!  Makes me wonder what his sister-in-law is giving him in return!!  The guy’s brother and sister-in-law were sent the link several times, since their families had to be involved for them to pull out this scheme so successfully.  The sister in law was totally mute and ignored the messages and remained quiet.  I guess she had to be worried about losing her home/food, since she is another dependent woman who lives like a parasite on the husband and hence doesn’t have the guts to say anything that might infuriate her husband!  But then again, judging from the evilness of the scheme and how so many women were involved in it to ruin the life of another woman, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was also one of the schemers!  His brother was sent several messages with the link to the album.  Finally one day he responded back saying ‘I don’t know you.  I didn’t know all this about my brother.  There is no use sending me information about my brother.  If you want to talk to me, you can call me although I don’t know you and I don’t know what I will say to you”…….I guess that is why their family had never taken the initiative to talk with me!!  They knew this was going to happen one day and then they can just sit back and watch the fun and claim to not be involved in it since they ‘didn’t know’ that their ‘little son’ was sleeping around with at least one  woman and then dumped her to marry the ‘wife material’ he was maintaining in India!

Few weeks later, I realized that since this was a preplanned thing, it is not news to their friends and family, I should let more people know about this guy.  Some of my friends were trying to be supportive and were assuring me that this was just one guy who was selfish, but there are many nice people around.  I posted the link of the album to some orkut communities to see how much ’strangers’ would empathize with me.  I guess I still hadn’t learned the lesson from the way these two families had jointly ruined my life and from how most of my so-called friends showed me their back to remain diplomatic and not involve them in any controversy!  One lady from a community saw the album and I suppose she is one of the very few genuine people still left in this world who can emphathize with somebody’s pain.  She started a discussion in that community to protest against what this guy and his wife did.  Now this community is very active and a lot of people joined into the conversation pretty soon.  But none of the other people who joined into the conversation had the ability to feel what it is like to be exploited.  They joined the conversation to throw lewd comments at me and enjoy the fun!   I guess that gave them some excitement in their boring lives!  They had all come to humiliate me, to prove that I am a whore who slept around with guys, that I was now trying to defame this ‘innocent’ guy.  Amazingly none of them thought that those two people had any fault!  Some of them said that putting up the album showed that I am a psycho and the guy is relieved to have got rid of me.  Somebody claimed that the language I had used to comment on the pictures in the album was bad.  But surprisingly everybody in the discussion was talking in a real pervert language.  I wonder how people who themselves use pervert language to mock at a woman they don’t even know ,can think themselves qualified to judge somebody else’s language!  A couple of women said that if I love him, I wouldn’t put up this album.  I suppose they don’t have the ability to realize that I LOVED him.  After being cheated like this, no NORMAL woman can continue to love the person.  Now all I have for him is TOTAL DISGUST!!   Some other men pointed out that I said the guy was having ‘fun’ with me.   To show their extreme perversion they elaborately explained how both the partners enjoy sex.  I agree!  But people like them are so superficial that they cannot even realize that when a woman agrees to go into a physical relationship, she has to have complete trust on the guy.  This guy faked the relation to get me to trust him to that level.  Once the trust is gone, there is no ‘enjoyment’ of anything I did with him.  Now when I think about it, I feel that I was just his sex slave whom he exploited mentally and financially as well!  Since he didn’t pay me for his ‘enjoyment’, I wouldn’t even qualify to be a whore!!!  But I suppose the people who were commenting are so hypocrite and superficial, they cannot even vaguely understand such emotions.

Interestingly most of the people who had joined the discussion were using a fake id.  I suppose when people get to comment on things like this their real nature becomes evident.  That is why these people hide behind fake profiles to show their true nature, so that in their day to day lives they can continue to be hypocrits!  The few who were using their own profiles appeared to be from the young generation with mostly ‘respectable’ careers!!  A lot of women accused me of being narrow-minded to have posted these pictures.  If my mind is narrow, then theirs is totally constricted!  Speaking of women, almost all of them were either committed or married.  So they are either similar-types, or they are the ones who hide behind closed doors when something like this happens to them (and I really really hope it does, so they can understand what it is like to be cheated!), because then they remember how they humiliated other women!.

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Examples of what the people had to say:

“loktar opor raag hochhe na…shroddha hochhe; khamokha ekta chhele ke victimize kora hochhe…asol sotyi ta jachai na korei…eta to hotei pare je ekta relationship poshachhe na break up kore onyo ektai jawa…ba biyer age prem …sei prem tiklo na….tarpor ekta arranged marriage…ekhon ei byaparta chhele hok ba meye…equally doshi hote pare…depends on the perspective…; aww tar mane ki gharwali baharwali case?…chheleta govinda-r bhokto mone hoy”

Translation:  “I don’t feel angry at the guy..I feel respect for him.  He is being victimized for no reason.  We don’t know the truth.  May be he wasn’t happy with the relationship and so he broke up and and went into another relation.  Or this may be a relation before his marriage.  Or maybe his love affair did not work, or may be he had an affair and then an arranged marriage.  Or may be it’s the girl’s fault.  Or maybe the girl is his mistress.  May be he is a fan of Govinda (a bollywood actor)”

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“ei loker kechchha public koraar psychology-tao bujhi na”

Translation “I don’t understand the psycology behind bringing this guy’s misdoing’s public”

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“meyeta ekta fnad”

Translation “The girl is a ..”(I don’t have an appropriate translation for that word, but it is a rather lewd term)

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“(cheleta) fruit lover i mone hocche. meyeta serokom i dabi koreche, je ‘produce of US/India’ konotatei apotti nei. kintu fol khabar por i jol kheye felate ombol hoye geche”

Translation: “The guy loves fruits (I think that refers to boobs), and it doesn’t matter whether they are from US or India, but he became too greedy so he got into trouble”…they way it was said it was as though they were having fun with the whole thing!

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“prem bhengechhe bhengechhe. meye ta ja bolchhe ta jodi sotyi hoy tahole she should be thankful she didn’t get married to that guy. what is the point in making such a public display of her wound (if any)? either she wants the guy. boroi kuruchikor or she is a coward. chhele ta ke hurko dite gele case thukuk na. nije case khete chaichhe keno?”

Translation “If the affair didn’t work that’s ok….if what the girl says is true, then she should be thanksful that she didn’t get married to that guy. what is the point in making such a public display of her wound (if any)? either she wants the guy. (rather cheat taste) or she is a coward.  Or she wants to teach him a lesson.  She can file a legal case aganst him.  But she can be sued.  ”

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mamoni-tir gappo porlam. pore prochur hasi pawa chhara ar kichu howar nei. mamoni-r bodhay life e ar kichhu imp byapar nei. life-e tragedy anek rakom hoy, grief kake bole seta janle ar ei nie thread khulto na. ebhabe nijer life-ke public masala banie ki pete chay jani na. tobe nijeke aro beshi circus banie felchhe. really, indian meye-ra ektu kom meye hole bodhay patriarchy ektu komto.

Translation: “I read the story of this mamoni (Mamoni is a very cheap term used for women, generally used for prostitutes).  It is so funny that I laughed a lot.  It seems that she doesn’t have anything more important in her life.  There can be many tragedies in life and she doesn’t know what grief is.  She is making her life a public joke.  Indian girls should be a little less girlish”

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desher mamoni-ra ramonee hoei theke gyalo, manush holo na. mamoni-r chaitanyo hok.; kannakati ar nyakami die meye-ra mukto, swadheen manush hobe na….naribadee hote pare aboshyo”

Translation: “Indian mamonis are so girlish that they haven’t grown up. They start crying and make an issue for every little thing.  Girls will never be independent…they will only be feminists”

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“mamoni-r barite bol ei byaparta. Sref kaan dhore tin thappor mere bie dewa dorkar, taholei mamoni-r eisob asukh sere jabe. mamoni otyonto narrow minded, revenge r jonyo pare na amon kaaj nei”

Translation: “Why don’t we inform this mamonis family and they’ll come and pull her ears and drag her home and get her married to somebody.  Then all these diseases will get cured.  She is very narrow minded.  She can do anything to take revenge”.

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“Ei byaparta te eto hoichoi er ki aachhe bujhlaam na………..jotojon er sathe prem korbo, sokol ke bie kora sombhob naki?..”

Translation: “Why is there so much discussion about this issue.  I don’t have to get married to everyone I date!”

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“Oi meyeta (Genetics er ki research korto bhoga e jane….grant diye to bf ke gift kine dito) oi chheleta ke dhorechhilo (besh hunk type er chehara)……aar bhabchhilo byata ke bhaloi pakrechhi….bola bahulyo sobaar ananda chheleta eka pay ni……taarpore onek cheshta kore jokhon dekhlo je chheleta ke pocket e rakhte parlo na…..tokhon Orkut e eshe nongra chhoriye berachchhe……”

Translation: “I’m not sure what kind of research that girl was doing since she spent all her money on her bf.  But she found a nice bf and when he got out of her hands then she came to orkut to spread dirt about their relation.  Btw she too enjoyed the pleasure of having sea with him” ..btw this was posted by a woman

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“meye ta ekta psycho. chhele ta lucky je okey katiye uthte perechhe”

Translation: “The girl is a psycho.  The guy is lucky to have gotten rid of her”

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“use kora mane ki be? intercourse ki dewa newar relation? chhele-tai mosti korechhe ar meye-ta sacrifice korechhe? Both are equally responsible. akhon meye-ta ja korchhe, ta otyonto narrow mind r porichoy. psycho to botei, harmful psycho”

Translation: “That to you mean by ‘using her’. Both the people enjoy when they have sex.  The enjoys and the girl doesn’t sacrifice when they have sex….both areequally responsible.  The girl is very narrowminded.  The girl is a psycho…and very harmful psycho”.  They people are so frustrated and focused on sex…that all they were thinking about were sex

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“egulo ekebaare baalchaal kotha holo na?………..amaar kono affair bhenge gele ami sei gf er deoa jama juto porte parbo na?……..”.

Translation: “Isn’t this irrelant discussion? If my affair breaks up, I can’t wear any clothes/shoes that my ex gf gave me?”  My ex got married wearing the fossil watch that I gave him  at the first birthday after we were together.  This was the first significant gift I gave him and I had posted that picture to show how insensitive he was since he didn’t even feel pain to have that watch in his hand while he was getting married.  He also had the same watch on his hand and the clothes that I had given him as gift on several specific occasions when he went on dates with his wife…..I think, only a very very insensitive person can do that!

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“comment gulo porte porte just ghenna korlo meyeta ke…chhi chhi..etao naki ‘prem’…premik kulti niechhe to take ki ki diechhe sob photo somet publish korchhe… how mean !!!

chhele tar poshayni kete porechhe…tar jonno or dukho ba obhimaan (if at all) thakte pare, tai bole ei bhabe publicly nongramo korchhe keno? meyetake just guchhiye kelano uchit”

Translation: “After reading the comments I just feel disgusted on this woman.  This is not love.  This guy escapoed and now she put up all photos and even pointed out the things that he is wearing were given by her! How mean! The guy didn’t like her, so he left.  So if she is sad (if at all) she can be, but that doesn’t mean she has to show that publicly.  The girl should be beaten up!”  This was a comment by a woman.

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“Not only that……meyeta r post gulote ja bhasha……dekhe mone hoi sotti e psycho….seta na hole oboshyo aaro bhoyaboho….”

Translation: “Not only that…The language in the posts shows that the woman is a psycho….or something even more scary”.

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“album ta dkehe rakhi sawant er syamvar er kotha mone pore gelo”

Translation: “After seeing the album, I thought it is Rakhi Sawant’s matrimonial. Rakhi sawant is a bollywood actress, but usually likened to more more vulgar types of roles.

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“meye-ta ja korechhe/korchhe tate oke akta psycho, vindictive, narrow minded buffoon mone hoy. Relation thakle, shule seta chhele-tar meye-take use kora hoy naki? intercourse with mutual consent brings pleasure for both side – etake meye-ra chirokal used howa chalate chay, aneksomoy personal interest ebong sympathy r jonyo”

Translation: “The girl appears to be a psycho, vindictive, narrow-minded buffoon.  A guy doesn’t use a woman ina  relation when they sleep together.  In an intercourse there is mutual consent.  But women accuse men of using them, often for personal interest and for getting sympathy”.

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“Keu karo sathe break up korle se nijeke superior mone korchhe, eta kikore proman holo? Ei mamoni-r supporter-ra including you simply chhele-take beshi imp die felchhe, eke mamoni-r psycho baalgiri-i beshi proman hochhe, chhele-ta moja dekhchhe”

Translation?: “If somebody breaks up then how does that person become superior, the mamoni-s supporters are giving more importance to the guy.  The mamoni is psycho and is proving her ‘baalgiri’”…I again don’t have an appropriate term for this…it is another very lewd comment!

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” (Albumta) dekhish na aesthetically jarring”

Translation: “Don’t see the album…aesthetically jarring.

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“ekta meye tar dirty linen public somokkhe kachakachi korchhe”

Translation: “Theres a girl washing her dirty linen in public”

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Later on I found this discussion in one of their scrapbooks: “hmmm ta bote….puro byapartai boro lewd. Moner byapar jokhon mon theke beriye public property kore deoa hoi tokhon seta boddo baje hoye jae…..oi hagar moto byapar aar ki….jotokhon pete aachhe, kono problem nei, baire ber holei gondogol..”….they know it is lewd, yet they are enjoying the feeling of being lewd!  This is the society we live in!

“Yes, that’s true……the whole thing is very lewd.  When the personal matters become public property then they become really bad.  It is like stool.  When it is inside the stomach its fine.  When it comes out, its bad.  This guy is a PhD student in one of the best Universities in US…yet he was one of the main contributors to the discussions.  I found it disgusting to see that a future scientist could make such lewd and cheap comments and is so narrow minded.  I am not sure how much time he spends on research…..but he sure was pretty  dedicated in providing his expert comments while the discussion as going on!

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Unfortunately I was expecting from the ‘society’ something that it is incapable of giving.  The society is for people like him and his wife.  They totally knew that and that is why they had the guts to do this.  They knew that once they are married, they would be considered the ‘decent people’ of this ‘decent society’, whereas I would be considered a whore.  They would be treated as respectable whereas people will be taking every opportunity to humiliate and mock at me!  This world is for opportunistic people like them.  They are the ones who can thrive and be successful.  There is no place for people who refuse to be hypocrites and who look for justice!  After seeing this response I am totally disgusted with the ‘society’.  I know I can’t change the ‘society’, but it still pains me to see that people can be so mean and people can enjoy humiliating a person who has already been through enough humiliation.  If I could afford to buy I ticket to go on a spaceship, I would probably have preferred to go and live with the aliens.  I think they would have been able to empathize with me more than the people who surround me now in this world!

One of my friends made a very appropriate comment after reading the discussion on orkut and I quote her below:

“simply disgusting……may they just rot in the dark holes they live in – they will spend their entire lives spreading evil, and will never make any positive contribution to the world……like flies and mosquitoes, they need to be shooed away….majority of the people are so mediocre, and self centered and basically idiotic, that trying to make them see the truth is basically fighting with shadows……..all of them are probably like him, so what’s the point? ..dont care about the society because society won’t care about you when you need…”

So true!!

who wins?

I have been thinking for the past few days….who gained and what out of all the drama that went on for the past couple of years….

Let’s start with the star of the whole drama.  What did he gain?  Well for sure he was able to draw physical pleasure.  I’ve heard that guys feel a sense of achievement based on how many women they get to sleep with.  So maybe he can feel that achievement.  He did get to show off to his friends that he could date a woman!  Until then all his ‘local variables’ were getting committed to other men, so this time he came all the way to the east coast to find a woman!.  Soon after we got into a relationship, he would kind of show off to his friends that he was dating me!   I thought that was strange, because he made no attempt to introduce me to his family.  Now I know why!

As for financial gains….yes he did gain a lot.  From travelling to different places, to eating at expensive restaurants, to getting expensive clothes and electronics….he did make a whole lot of profit there!  Somehow, most of the time we went to a restaurant he was able to show me that it was my turn to give him a treat!  Whenever he came to visit me, he was a guest….so I paid for all the travelling we did.  When I went to California, I still paid for the travelling because I had AAA membership, so I could get the discounted rates.  I was such an idiot to go on paying for those things thinking that it is ‘our’ trip!!  And of course he would keep on ‘creating’ occasions and demanding gifts…clothes, chocolates, electronics, and so much more!  When I think back on what he had given me……he would only give me something when there was a real occasion, such as a birthday or Christmas, and even then it was so evident that he hadn’t  given it much thought at all.  He would just go to the store and buy something that was most inexpensive or on sale!  Such things didn’t matter to me at that time….because I just thought since he is a guy,  he probably doesn’t spend too much time thinking about what to give me.  But I should have realized then that it showed his lack of emotional involvement!  And also the fact that he was trying to extract benefits from me!  A person who is really in love will realize that being a grad student it was so difficult for me to bear all the expense.  On so many occasions he would say that he would pay for something, but never do that.  Every time I went o visit him in California, he would say he would buy my ticket and I would be the one saying that he shouldn’t because it will be expensive for him.  Of course, he never actually paid it.  He always kept saying he would give me the money ‘later’!  I had a verizon cell phone, and he forced me to break my contract to switch to his cell provider.  This  cost me around $180 and said he would pay that, which of course he never did…….and this happened in so many cases!  Why didn’t I pick up on those cues?

So yes, he did gain financially and physically.  But was it really worth it?  Couldn’t he have just spent some money and gone to a hooker to get his physical pleasure?  Couldn’t he have been satisfied with whatever he could afford with his own salary?  Was showing off a date to his friends so important?  He could have picked up a local woman and showed her off as a date.  Of course dating Americans and ‘trendy’ Indians would have cost him a lot, because he would have had to spend on those girls.  So he did get a much better deal with me.  Not only did he not have to spend on me, but he also was able to gain financially from me!  But was it really worth it?  Will/Does he ever  feel guilty for having cheated a woman like this and having ruined her life?  Does his conscience ever remind him about it?  From what I have known him then and now, I don’t think he will ever even think back about this episode.  He has a lot of ego and temper.  He is probably furious that I told so many people about his real nature.  All these years he had been mistreating me, but he was like a ‘saint’ to his friends.  Although, now that a lot of them know about what he did, I don’t think they really care.  People are too diplomatic and self centered to care about what happens in other peoples’ lives.  So in all likelihood, nothing really changed for him.  His life got even better.  Last time he went to India he had a gala wedding and reception.  Apparently he will be having another ‘social wedding’ in a few months.  Now the newly married couple is  happily starting their new life.  Like he labeled in his wedding album, he got a new family, his wife’s.  So life got better and happier for him.  He will never think back and realize that his happiness came  at a cost of somebody else’s happiness.  If he had the ability to be able to realize that, he wouldn’t have done this in the first place.

Now let’s talk about his wife.  His wife is his batch mate’s sister in law.  He had known her for a while.  This means that even when he was in a (fake) relationship with me, he knew her and they knew that they were going to get married.  And this also explained why he never introduced me to his family and why they never wanted to know me!  I was their son’s play material.  No guy introduces the hooker he picks up to his family!  This woman whom he married, obviously had a dream of living in the US, but didn’t want to work for it.  So she decided to paint her face and wear short dresses to ‘capture’ guys like him (like so many other women do in India).  It probably didn’t matter to her that he was dating somebody else, because she knew that at the end of the day, he would come back and marry her.  It is a much more respectable and acceptable to be the wife than the ‘play material’.  So she was obviously quite content.  So when it was time to get married, this guy and his sister abused me and got rid of me, and then they got married soon after.  I was truly amazed how this guy ‘switched’ women within  a month.  Of course later I knew that he didn’t switch women, but he just chose to be with just one, instead of two!  So what did his wife gain out of this?  Of course she gets to come to US, a heaven to some people in India.  She didn’t even have to take GRE/TOEFL or apply to universities.  Neither did she have to have a good career to be able to get jobs in USA.  All she had to do is to offer her ‘hole’ to a guy like him!  And of course she will never have to go through the struggles involved in coming to a new country on her own and settling in.  She will have her husband to bring her here and get her settled into her life.  Since he is a PhD in computer science, he will probably be earning a good salary…so she will not have to suffer financial hardships (which she may have had to if she came here as a grad student on her own).  She was clever enough to wait till he gets a job, so that she didn’t have to come here as a grad student’s wife, which may have been financially challenging.  But will it ever occur to her that her selfish plans ruined the life of another woman?  Will she ever realize that she helped a guy cheat on another woman?  Will she ever hesitate to use all the gifts that I had given him?  Probably not, because if she had a ‘heart’, she would never have been a part of this whole plan.  GRE can be tough, but not un-do-able.  But women like her want to get ‘ahead’ the easy way and never think twice about ‘striking down’ other people on the way up!

The other players in this game were the guy’s family.  They apparently knew about me, but the guy kept creating the impression that they didn’t like me.  They had to know at least something about me because this guy did put up some pictures of me on orkut, and his brother and sister-in-law are on orkut.  But they may have thought I am one of the many women he is dating here …may be an achievement by their standards!  From the kind of socioeconomic background he belongs to, being able to come to USA is a big achievement and so he must have attained ‘God status’ in his family and so it is normal for him to be surrounded by ‘devdasis’!!!  After this episode when I had put up pictures of him and me on the album, and sent the link to his brother, he responded back saying that he ‘does not know me and so there is no use sending him this information’……pretty good planning to be able to have this excuse.  They knew that this would happen one day, so it was better for them not to ‘know’ me, so they could play innocent!  The same goes for his sister.  She too had to know about me because she was the one who abused me on the phone when this guy went to India.  She joined with his brother to abuse me and get rid of me to clear the way for his wedding…what a BITCH!!!!.  As for his parents, I have NEVER spoken to them.  All along I had been given the impression that they don’t accept me.  Even when I spoke to his sister, I asked if I could talk to his parents, and she refused.  So they too knew about this plan and decided to not get involved with me.  They knew who their daughter-in-law was going to be, and so there was no use interacting with me!  But what did these people gain out of scheming with the guy and messing up my life?  Yes they did get a daughter in law who is much more beautiful, and young, and may be much more pleasant and ‘wife-material’ than me.  But why did they have to help this guy ruin my life?  Couldn’t they have encouraged him to be with just one woman?  Or is it also a a status symbol for them that their son has slept with several women when he was in USA!!!  Didn’t they ever feel that what he was doing was wrong?  Or did they just think that this was the way life works for their son who is so educated having studied at IIT and then in US?  Didn’t they ever realize that even though I have been living overseas for a few years, I was still Indian, and playing with my dignity like this may destroy my self-respect?  Were they so blind with love for their son that they failed to observe the consequences of their evil plan?

Finally the other major player was his wife’s family.  Obviously they were aware of the whole thing from the beginning.  This woman was the guy’s batch mate’s sister-in-law.  So obviously they met through her sister and brother –in-law.  Was sending his sister-in-law to the US  so important that the guy never thought that they were messing with the life of another woman?  Was he was also so lacking in conscience that he never thought of what the consequences would be to the other woman (me).  The same issue arises for the wife’s sister.  She was also another woman.  Didn’t she realize how evil the plan was?  I noticed that she lives in India (in Mumbai).  Probably she too had dreams of coming to US, but couldn’t get herself an NRI husband, a dream she was probably trying to fulfill through her sister.  But there are thousands of Indians coming to USA every year.  Even if they wanted an NRI, they could have found so many Indians who are in USA.  If she really wanted this guy, didn’t it ever occur to her to may be suggest to him to not play with another woman’s life?

One other group of people who were probably involved was the guy’s friends.  He had such an intimate relationship with so many of his female friends (mostly these were wives of his close friends).  A lot of times he would go and discuss personal issues that concerned him and me with these friends!!  I found that totally weird and pointed it out to him.  But then he would accuse me of being ‘jealous’ and not being ‘able to accept’ his friends!  He would do anything and everything these women asked him to do.  So I am pretty sure that they too had a role in planning out and executing this whole plan.  But why did they do this?  Apart from getting some gossip material, did they gain anything else?  Of course they never liked me because I was never their type.  I would never crowd together  in the kitchen with them and discuss jewelry, or clothes, or stories about each other husbands.  They were all the ‘parasite’ kind, and so I never had any topic to discuss with them.  I suppose the woman whom this guy married will be a much better match with them.  She would blend into their ‘parasite community’, I was such a misfit! J   But didn’t they ever realize that what they were helping him do to me may not be a good thing?  Or did they think that because I appear ‘tough’ on the outside (I wasn’t really like the types who appear so dependent and always ready to break into tears!!), I didn’t have any emotions at all.

Will any of these people ever think that what they did and helped do had such a profound effect on somebody’s life?  It makes me wonder how they justify themselves, and what did they really gain out of this?  Couldn’t the guy just have waited a few years till he got married to that woman?  If he really had the physical urge and if all his female ‘companions’ were not enough, couldn’t he have spent a little bit of money to take somebody for a date or get a hooker and have her fulfil his needs?  Why did he have to fake a relationship and treat me as a hooker?  Was all the financial gain he made really that important?  Couldn’t he have waited to get a job and get all of that with his own salary?  Didn’t it occur to anybody, him, his wife, their families, their friends, that what they were doing was a really selfish thing?  How can people derive happiness by cheating somebody?  I guess I will never know.  But I do know that I will never be able to trust any guy….EVER!  I don’t know how much of what all these people gained….but I do know that now I have a new life….I will never be the same person I used to be.

what I learned about relationships in the past few years

No matter what they say, age and looks does matter…all guys want young women with pretty faces.

Never do too much for anybody….you might hate yourself later on.

Guys only look for voluptuous bodies with a painted face and a ‘hole’…..nothing else matters to them….and they use the other types to ‘learn and practice’ their ’skills’ before they get married

Some women in India are ready to offer their ‘hole’ to any guy who brings them to the US, so that they can live like parasites and be called Mrs NRI

No matter what they say, they always want their partners to paint up their faces and wear short dresses to compete with the other parasitic wives in their social circle.  If you are not that type, then he is just using you till he is ready to get married to one of those types.

Those women who cannot find an ‘NRI’ husband for themselves, get together with their husbands to find their sister(in-law) an NRI husband at any cost!

If a guy and his sister are too close, they might be sharing the same STDs

If a guy makes you pay for dinner, travel etc, then that shows he doesn’t have any long term plans with you and he is so cheap that he wouldn’t hire a prostitute…he is just looking for free ’service’ and saving up for his future wife.

A guy who demands gifts from his partner is not only exploiting her body, but is also trying to extract as much of her money as he can

If a guy claims that his family doesn’t like his partner, then that reflects on how he portrayed her to them.

Never ignore anything that a guy says when he is angry…that is when he is being totally honest with you, and that also shows his cultural upbringing.

If a guy never does anything that shows he cares for you and wants to make you happy with little gestures of love, then that shows that your happiness is not among his priorities, its all about him, and when he is done with you he will leave you and walk off with somebody better.

If a guy doesn’t introduce to his family, then that means he has probably introduced  somebody else to them as his partner.

Never ignore too many flaws in a guy….he will never ignore any of your flaws.

Guys never want anybody other than the sterotype women …….very soon they will leave the non-sterotypes and walk off with somebody who can blend in with all the other parasitic women in his social circle

If a guy ‘is always there for his friends’ wives when they are lonely’, then it shows that his friends wives are more important to him than his own partner

A guy who cannot stand up against his family to support his partner, is not man enough to date a woman.

2007-2009…years of hell

It started back in 2007 when I and a few friends of mine were planning a  trip to Niagara Falls.  I knew about the existance of this guy before that from orkut, but didn’t really know him.  I chatted with him a few times and knew he was fascinated by multiple girls in his friend circle and was trying hard to hook up with all of them at the same time and failing.  During these conversations he created an image of himself as such a sincere an honest person and I really believed him.  It so happened that he was doing an internship in New Jersey when we were going to Niagara and he too decided to join us at Niagara…little did I know that this was his scheme of capturing me into his DIRTY AND  PERVERTED plan!!   That is where I met this guy who was so evil that he took advantage of me for the next 2.5 yrs, used me for his pleasure, took my help for his personal and professional development, and then abused me to get rid of me so he could marry the woman who fulfilled his and his family’s criteria of a ‘perfect Indian wife’!!  He was so evil that he apparently knew this woman all along and knew what his long term plans were.  He made sure he didn’t waste his money on me….he made me spend my money when we went for travelling, made me pay for hotels, gas, sight seeing, restaurants, and even talked me into buying expensive gifts for him!!.  I was such a fool that I kept thinking that it was practically the same whether he paid for these or me, because ‘our’ trip and ‘our’ expenses, and I never hesitated to spend the money.  I was such a fool that I never realized that he was actually saving up to start his life when he was done using me with another woman whom he was ‘maintaining’ back in India!!  How can a man be so cunning???  I went out of my way to help him out in so many ways….and his conscience never bothered him that he was doing this fraud with me!!

Throughout these 2.5 yrs he kept on giving me the impression that his family was not accepting me and so he couldn’t get married to me.  He kept telling me that he was trying to convince them to accept me.   In his guileful plan, he didn’t even hesitate to involve my parents!!  Back in 2007 when he went to India, he asked me to inform my parents about the relation.  Apparently that would help him convince his parents!  I was naive and I did as he asked thinking that would help to take our relation to the next level.  Soon after reaching India he started to stage the drama that his parents were against the marriage.  He even refused to meet my parents when they were excited about my relation and wanted to meet him.  Eventually after a lot of arguments he did go and meet my parents.  He made sure that I ask my parents not to talk about our wedding with him.  This probably made it easier for him to carry on the conversation.  Discussing our wedding with my parents would probably bring out his intentions!

When he returned to the US, he created his deceptive story about his family being against the wedding and he trying his best to change their opinion, and I should ’stand by his side’ to help him…of course I should…that would let him have access to my body!!!!  I was ready to back out of the relation at that time.  But he told me a bunch of crap and artfully convinced me otherwise so he could derive physical pleasure for the next 2 yrs till he went home to marry the woman who was ‘wife material’ by his standards.

During these two years there were several instances where the fact that my parents were supportive of his marriage and his intentions were something totally devious, created tension.  In addition, he had this whole suite of female ‘wellwishers’ (WIVES OF HIS FRIENDS, probably did not get enough attention from their husbands!) who kept advising him on his personal matters.  Apparently he had more trust on these women than on me and would follow whatever they said, even when it was against my wishes!  I should have realized that such a guy who trusts his friends’ wives more than his partner doesn’t actually consider me his partner!  Every time there was an issue about the interference of his female advisers, he would come back and tell me a bunch of ‘crap’ and get me back into his trap!   He was such a pervert that he would go and spend nights with his friend when her husband was travelling!!  If I questioned that, he would pretend to be innocent!  And when his best friend’s wife woke up in the morning and didn’t find her husband at home (he had already gone to the lab because it was 1PM), she would ask him to come over to the house to give her company…such perverts!!

Last year (around June 2008) we had a major breakup primarily because of these female friends of his.  After our breakup he continued to ’stalk’ me through a common ‘friend’.  I hesitate to use the word friend because she knew a lot about what was going on, yet she showed loyalty to him, although she apparently claimed to be my friend too!!…..I wouldn’t call that friendship!  When he came to know that I will be spending 4 months in California this year for an internship, his pervert mind became active all again.  He realized that this was a good opportunity for him to have constant access to physical pleasure…for free….he was such a CHEAP person that he wouldn’t pay for it!  He again staged a crafty drama about how repentant he is and how much he values me and wants to get back to the relation!  While he was doing this, his family was already getting ready to get him married to the sister in law of his batchmate…the woman who had existed all along, but I didn’t know about it!!!

I was a fool yet again and I patched up with him.  Throughout Jan, 09, he continued to have ‘fun’ with me.  Towards the end of Jan he was going to India again.  Right before he went to India I realized that his family had been making his wedding plans.  When I questioned him about this, he started abusing me for not ‘trusting’ him!!  Then I insisted that I wanted to talk to his parents.  Throughout these 2.5yrs, his family never showed any interest in knowing the woman their son was dating….and why would they?  They knew very well that their son would come home at the end of the day and get married to another woman…they knew I was his play material…his entertainment while he was living on his own in US….but he would come home and get married to that woman and bring back his wife one day..A WHOLE FAMILY OF CHEATS!!!!

He kept on abusing me before going to India and even after reaching there!  When I insisted that I wanted to speak to his family, he set up a telephone conversation with his sister (not his parents!).  When she started talking, I realized that all she was trying to do was to get rid of me.  She told me nasty and mean things on the phone while this guy was standing right next to her!!  This guy never objected to anything she said, and instead abused me later on because apparently I was rude to her.  He had earlier assured me that if his family says anything nasty, then he will talk on my behalf and I shouldn’t say anything.  I was again a fool and trusted him!!  After this conversation I tried to reason with him on the phone and emails…but he just kept on abusing me.  This was right before Valentine’s day.  Then on V-day weekend he sent me some of the meanest emails.  I realized that this was a ploy to get rid of me because his family already had wedding plans for him.  What I didn’t know is that the story about his family not accepting me is FAKE.  If a guy loves his partner he will remain loyal to his partner whether his family accepts her or not.  His family knew that he wasn’t going to marry me, ever; he was only having fun with me.  He was going to get married to friend’s sister in law.  That is why they never even talked to me, and that is why he kept painting the picture that his family is against our wedding!

After all the humiliation throughout Jan and Feb, I backed out of the relation, and then that guy had the audacity to send me an email at the end of Feb telling me that I was responsible for making me angry which lead to him abusing me….it was all my fault!!  He was back in US at this time and I was still in California.  So he was probably HORNY and wanted to get some more physical pleasure!!  I didn’t respond to this email and so he went about telling my friends that I am uncompromising, I didn’t want marriage, I am rigid, and so on.  I suppose it hurt his ego that I didn’t respond to his email and that my friends told him that I was doing ‘fine’, and was not depressed.  He even called up a friend of mine in March and then in May saying he is so depressed about me.

In March, he puts up a profile on Bharat Matrimony.  He is so shameless that he uses sentences copied out of the cv that I prepared for him to create his BM profile!!  I guess he is a perfectionist in his DEVIOUS ventures!  He pretended that he was going to find a wife through this matrimonial service.  He probably didn’t realize that the world is too small I would find out the reality about how he found his wife from his friends!!!  Towards the end of June he posts an album of pics ‘XYZ my fiancee’ on orkut.  One of my friends (the one whom he called up in May to say he is depressed), was shocked to see that the guy who was so ‘depressed’ a month back is engaged!!  I guess he knew that my friends would inform me and so he posted these pics on orkut to RELISH the effect it would have on me. Couple of weeks later (July 14, to be exact) he gets married.  Right before his wedding I send him a couple of emails to which he responded several days later on the day before his wedding.  He said that he still misses me, that his wife thinks I am his love and she is just his wife (=tool for having sex and producing babies?), and that he was always committed to me and he loves me!!  It is unbelievable that a guy getting married to another woman can write such emails the day before his wedding!  He was still sticking to the story that he was depressed and then angry that I didn’t respond to his emails and so he picked up a girl from Bharat Matrimony!  This guy is so sick that he sends emotional emails to his ex gf the day before his wedding!!  He was a CHEAT BF….and he will be a CHEAT HUSBAND!!

Before and after the wedding, his wife kept posting numerous intimate pictures of them on their dates.  I suppose she needed to send the message to me that this guy now belongs to her!   She was aware of my existence all the time, but I guess women like that don’t care if their husbands sleep around with other women.  All they care about is that they get to come to the US and see dollars, but they don’t want to put in the effort of taking GRE or applying for jobs.  Putting on makeup, wearing short dresses, and offering their bodies to appeal to the pervert desires of men like this guy is a lot easier to them!   I suppose that is what is called SELLING THE HOLE FOR A TICKET TO USA!   They never even think about how their motives and actions are destroying the lives of other women!   Over the next several weeks he and his wife kept posting pictures on orkut for my visual pleasure!! They posted these pictures in unlocked albums to make sure that I can see them and they can relish in the thought that I would be devastated seeing these picturess.

Few weeks after the wedding I came to know that this girl whom he married is the sister in law of his batchmate.  She wasn’t picked up from Bharat Matrimony, but he knew her all along!  So this guy faked the relationship with me for 2.5yrs.  He was so pervert that he couldn’t control his ‘desires’ till he got married to this girl.  He was so cheap that he wouldn’t spend money to fulfil his ‘urge’!!  So he faked a relationship with me!   I went out of my way to help him in various aspects of his life…….. helping him settle in his appartment, organizing his room, helping him learn driving, getting his driver’s license, buying his car, writing his cv and research statement, and so on.  I spent so much money when I was with him.  I never realized that he had such plans and so he wasn’t ‘investing’ money on me.  He was trying to extort all he could from me!  I was a fool to have trusted this cheat and to have wasted my resources on him!!  In return he used me, abused me, and totally destroyed my self-respect.  But I suppose he was using him to prepare himself and ‘groom’ himself so that he can be the dream NRI husband for that woman who was waiting for him in India!  I was only a play material for him, and along with that he extorted all he could from me!